Introduction:

My name is Terrance W. Schuldt  and I have a disease that had no name for 8 of the past 11 years. It took several years to realize it wasn’t going to go away. It took several more years to define it. And even more years to clearly describe it again and again to the medical doctors and alternative-health practitioners. Now after a decade of fighting off the wolves I am finally overwhelmed, utterly destitute. A situation that happens to other people with this syndrome.

I am not the negligent grasshopper who didn’t prepare for winter. I had acquired a sizable portfolio of assets in the 80’s that should have lasted the remainder of my life. I once owned 200 real-estate units in Boise , Idaho . I helped originate and fund a health provider/insurer group “Primary Health Care” with Dr. Gilbert but find my self without insurance.  I am even an experienced financial crisis manager but when you’re chronically ill, experience and talent don’t matter much. I am embarrassed and humiliated to impose on my family, friends and colleagues.

Social:

My Social Life is non-existent. You might expect a woman to leave you if your not able. But you don’t expect your best bosom buddies to avoid you. I have several friends (some of whom I owe money to) that won't even talk to me. No one really likes to be around someone who is sick and tired all the time. I’m guilty, so I remain isolated. I live in a travel-trailer and go from relative to friend to relative until they get sick of me.

Financial:

I owe tens of thousand of dollars to doctors, family (mother and sisters) friends and creditors. Again, I blame only the disease.

I cannot climb ladders or use my hands without severe pain. I am a danger to myself and others around a construction site. I am prone to falling down. I have fallen down at least fifty times over the years. I move much slower now to protect myself. I should not be doing any electrical work because mistakes can burn houses down. I also can no longer handle fiduciary responsibilities. When you are in a flare up, the physical pain is so alarming and captivating you don’t notice subtle deteriorating aspects of the mind, forgetfulness, fear, confusion, inability to keep things in order. I used to keep an immaculate, house, car, clothes, day timer and records. In my efforts to get going again and again I keep endless notes, then notes to remember the notes in a clutter of notes. It doesn’t really dawn on you until days later that you're just not with it. Incidental delusions that never get done. I can be driving across town and forget where I’m going or not remember where it is, even though I’ve been there many times. Learning anything now stirs up waves of anxiety. I avoid going to the grocery store for days because it seems overwhelming. I only drive when it’s absolutely necessary. I live in a travel-trailer but have never made a payment (to ex-girlfriend) for lack of work-income and feel like it will be repossessed at any time. One time some mice got into the trailer and I smelled something rotten. I thought it was a dead mouse. I had to open the window it smelled so bad. I woke up the next morning very spaced out. Then I saw the knob on the gas stove was left on. I would never have missed that familiar smell of gas with a fully cognitive mind and senses. I wish that would have scared me but “IT” didn’t . I have no fight or flight in me.

Family:

What now scares me about Fibromyalgia is my children, Willy 17 and Amellia 15 are the most beautiful children in the world. Turns out my ex-wife’s sister Linda (Westergard) Strickland and brother Jim Westergard of Idaho Falls also have Fibromyalgia. (what are the odds of that happening?) My ex-wife (my childrens biological mother) is diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis and/or she may also have Fibromyalgia. The symptoms are very similar. Although medical scientists and doctors do not know the cause for Fibromyalgia. They do know physical and mental stress cause flare ups and suspect the genetic background may be the most contributing factor. So I need to stay abreast of any new medical break-through for the future benefit of my children especially since we may be on the verge of a genetic cause/cure with the mapping of the gene pool. This is my prayer.

My Father went through a physical-mental break down at the same exact age 43-50. he opted to cut both wrists and neck. My mother found him in the bathroom in a pool of blood. She took him to the LDS hospital in Idaho Falls. He then went for the river across the street but finally lost too much blood and didn't make it. They saved my dad but he didn't speak for 6 years. I always wondered why the happiest man I knew felt like killing himself? NOW, I believe I know ...“IT” will never end.